I’ve been reading The Way of Excellence by Brad Stulberg — subtitle, a guide to true greatness and deep satisfaction in a chaotic world. The timing feels right. AI is reshaping jobs, companies, and the skills that matter. Every week I talk to leaders asking some version of the same question: where do I put my time now?
One section in Chapter 2 really resonated with me. Stulberg calls it selecting worthwhile pursuits — and it gave me a diagnostic I am starting to use on every new project, every inbound opportunity, every commitment I’m weighing.
TL;DR:
Decades of research on motivation point to three core needs: autonomy, competence, and belonging
Before saying yes to a project, job, or commitment, ask: will this increase or decrease autonomy, competence, or belonging in my life?
In an AI-disrupted career, this filter matters more — because the wrong yes compounds faster
For existing commitments, ask what conversations or moves would restore any of the three
Bonus: turn the filter into a prompt and riff with Claude or ChatGPT on the decisions you’re stuck on
The Three Needs
Stulberg pulls from decades of self-determination research. We thrive over the long haul when three needs are met:
Autonomy — some control over how we spend our time and energy. Not total freedom. Just a real say in the how.
Competence — a path toward concrete improvement in our chosen pursuits. The thing we’re doing needs to grow our craft, not just consume our hours.
Belonging — connection to something beyond ourselves. A person, a community, a lineage, a tradition. An emotional stake in why this work exists.
His line that stopped me: “The more time and energy we spend on pursuits that afford us autonomy, competence, and belonging, the better.”
Simple. But almost nobody applies it when evaluating the next thing on their plate.
Why This Filter Matters Right Now
A year ago, a lot of work was good enough. The pay was fine, the scope was clear, the path was predictable. You could stay on autopilot and be okay.
That’s over. AI is redrawing the edges of what humans should do. Tasks that felt worth doing in 2024 are now commodity output. Roles that felt stable are getting reassembled. The leaders I coach are making harder choices — about what to say yes to, what to drop, and what to rebuild.
In that environment, the wrong yes doesn’t just waste time. It compounds. Every month spent on a pursuit that drains autonomy, stalls competence, or isolates you is a month your peers are getting sharper on the things that will actually matter in 2027.
Which is why Stulberg’s question has become my default diagnostic:
Will this increase or decrease autonomy, competence, or belonging in my life?
How I’m Using It
Three ways I’ve been running this filter in the last few weeks:
On new opportunities. When something lands in my inbox — a speaking gig, a consulting ask, a collaboration — I don’t jump to the calendar. I ask the three. Does it give me more control over my time, or chain me to someone else’s schedule? Does it push my craft forward, or just repeat what I already know? Does it connect me to people and ideas I care about, or is it a transaction?
If two of the three are a no, I pass. No agonizing.
On existing commitments. Stulberg adds a second move most people skip. For work you’re already in, ask what actions would enrich the three. How can I protect more autonomy here? What conversation with my team would rebuild competence momentum? What would reconnect me to why this work matters? A good commitment doesn’t need to be abandoned — it often just needs a small intervention.
As a prompt, when I’m stuck. This is where the AI angle gets practical. When I’m genuinely torn, I paste the situation into Claude and run it through the filter:
I'm deciding whether to [take on / continue / walk away from] this project:
[brief description — scope, time commitment, stakeholders, outcome]
Use Brad Stulberg's framework from The Way of Excellence.
Evaluate this on three dimensions:
1. Autonomy — will it increase or decrease my control over my time and energy?
2. Competence — will it grow my craft, or just consume hours?
3. Belonging — does it connect me to something beyond myself, or is it purely transactional?
Give me a direct read on each, then the trade-offs I should weigh before saying yes or no.Claude doesn’t decide for me. But it surfaces the angles I’d missed — especially the ones I was quietly avoiding.
The Harder Version of the Question
The sharpest line in the chapter is this: “What would it look like to shape our lives for more mastery and mattering?”
That’s the harder question. Not should I say yes to this one thing, but:
Am I designing my life around pursuits that grow me and connect me — or am I letting it happen to me?
In an AI era where almost everything about work is in motion, the leaders I watch thriving are the ones asking this out loud. They’re not waiting for the dust to settle. They’re picking the pursuits that compound autonomy, competence, and belonging — and pruning the ones that don’t.
That’s the real work. AI is the accelerant. But what you’re accelerating — that’s still the decision only you can make.
Your Turn
Pick one commitment on your plate right now. Run it through the three.
→ Is it giving you more or less autonomy than it did six months ago?
→ Is it building real competence, or just repeating what you already do well?
→ Do you feel connected to the people and the purpose behind it?
If the answer is honest and uncomfortable, that’s the signal. The next move isn’t always quit — sometimes it’s a conversation, a scope change, a recommitment. But the filter cuts through the noise.
Reply and tell me what came up. I read every response.
Stay curious. Stay hands-on.
James
The book is The Way of Excellence by Brad Stulberg. Worth reading the whole chapter on the psychology of excellence — chapter two is where this framework lives.
If this was useful, forward it to one person weighing a hard yes right now. They can subscribe at graymatter.jamesgray.ai.
