Sunday Reflection: How emotion audits and consciousness improve the quality of your life
😃 Hey, this is James, and welcome to a 🔒 subscriber-only edition 🔒 of my weekly newsletter. In this article, I share a ritual I have been using to deepen my consciousness and improve the quality of my life.
Happy Father’s Day to readers graced with the gift of being a father. May you enjoy this special day with your family and friends. May we all reflect on our father's love and gifts. ❤️
Emotions Audits
Emotions influence almost everything we do in life. Ultimately, emotions control and determine the quality of our lives. You would think that, given these reasons, there would be motivation to explore the emotions we feel throughout the day or week. But, given the pace of life and fear of understanding what is behind these emotions, it’s pretty easy to move on and miss the opportunity to learn more about their meaning.
Last December, my life was full of emotions, and I was curious to learn how to understand, process, and manage them. I watched the HBOMax series Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. I learned that having a common language for emotions gave me a stronger sense to name them correctly, explore what is behind them, and the agency I have to shape them.
I then bought the Atlas of the Heart book to learn the meaning of each emotion and how I could use this to drive change. What I love about Brené Brown’s book is how 80+ emotions are grouped into thirteen “places we go.” As an analytically-minded person, I had the idea of periodically measuring my emotions to derive insights from trends and hotspots. This led me to develop a Google Sheet with 85 emotions with definitions from the book and a 1-10 scale to record the intensity of emotion. I added a column to denote if I desired to feel more or less of an emotion. I was curious to know what would come from tracking my emotions over time. The “Sunday Emotions Audit” process was born.
The Emotions Audit Ritual
Sunday at 5 PM is the end of my weekly “sprint,” where I check in on what goals I delivered, what was not delivered, and what I learned to improve next week. I open the emotions audit spreadsheet each Sunday morning and record a score for each emotion as I reflect on the week. The red-yellow-green heat map makes it easy to see trends and those that require attention—for example, the red intensity or a bump in green intensity.
After completing the worksheet, I then pause and reflect on the following questions for emotions of interest, such as the red scale or a boost in green scale:
What do you feel most proud of where the emotional intensity has sustained or moved in your desired direction?
How am I responsible for this emotional state I want to feel less of?
What is the impact of this emotion on my personal and professional life?
Are there conditions outside my control I am using as excuses for this emotional intensity, and why has it not changed in the desired direction?
What is within my control to act on next week that is small and tangible to change or sustain the intensity of an emotion (reduce red, boost green)?
The answers to question #5 are used as goals and actions in the sprint I activate on Sunday evening for the upcoming week. The consciousness of these emotions, and their impact, directly drive the actions I am willing to take to improve the quality of my life.
What I Learned
Here are a few insights and benefits I gained after measuring my emotions for a few weeks:
Sensing and naming an emotion improved - by internalizing a precise definition, I became better at sensing emotion at the moment and often noting it in my daily journal. I could then reflect on it when I had the space and frame of mind.
More accountability - there were negative emotions that I desired less of, but I realized I was not taking any actions during the week to change them. This led me to place time on my calendar for the upcoming week to take action and move the needle.
Better relationships - “Places We Go When We Search for Connection” is an area that has felt like a hotspot since COVID-19 drove isolation and WFH has reduced in-person human interaction. I also isolated myself for peace and healing following my divorce years back. Seeking more connection, I now call a friend each weekend to strengthen and expand friendships. I recently reconnected with a high school colleague in Austin after 40 years. My state of consciousness kicked in when I saw my friend’s post on LinkedIn that he would be in Austin in a few weeks. Otherwise, I would have kept scrolling in the busyness of the day. Instead, we hopped on a call within 30 minutes of seeing the post and made plans. Our breakfast and reconnecting were fantastic; it fueled positive emotions and energy all day.
More self-compassion - the courage to do periodic pulse checks on emotions reduced my anxiety because the ups and downs are just part of the human condition and personal growth.
Agency to drive change - my emotions controlled me for many years, sometimes leading to poor decisions and the belief that I had minimal agency to change them. The audit ritual increased the agency to shape them through my actions. My need for deeper connection was a catalyst to restart my podcast, connect with former colleagues, and forge new relationships. In this scenario, consciousness tapped into my creativity to explore what I could do to enjoy stronger connections.
Empathy for others - having a better sense of how people think, feel, and behave opened up my perspectives to have more empathy for them.
How You Can Leverage This Ritual
Make a copy of the emotions worksheet with definitions of 85 emotions from Atlas of the Heart with conditional formatting to color code your intensity using a 1-10 scale (10 is the highest intensity).
Find a time that works for you and, ideally, a consistent day/time when you can do the audit reflection. At first, it may feel hard to digest the definitions and quantity of emotions, but it quickly becomes a habit.
I hope this ritual brings you deeper consciousness and spurs your curiosity about how these emotions influence your life. Certain emotions create energy, while others hold us back from pursuing and realizing our true potential.
I would love to hear your feedback and how this technique has helped you in a small way.
Who is up to giving this a shot today or this upcoming week?
- James