How a holistic view of your identity enables resiliency, fulfillment, and performance
Diversifying your sense of self with multiple identities
I am always curious about how people introduce themselves in person or on their online profiles. How people describe their identity gives you insight into how they view themselves. When we associate who we are with, say, a single aspect of our identity, like the work we do, we can lose ourselves and experience challenging times when that identity is lost. For example, losing a job, status, or an important relationship like your spouse. We can often wrap up so much of who we are in one thing that we lose consciousness of who we really are. This can dramatically impact our fulfillment and performance in our work and life.
Narrow Defined Identities
After twenty-plus years of marriage, my identity as a husband was gone. While it was the right decision, it left a big gap in my identity as I had lost touch with many other aspects of who I was. My role as a father also changed as two of my kids moved to a different town three hours away. I struggled with anxiety, depression and often distanced myself from many aspects of life. It took time to reshape my identity into who I am today.
At the end of 2022, I lost my job, leaving a gap in my identity as my work style had been “all-in” in whatever I do. These situations created high anxiety and stress because I unconsciously accepted a narrow definition of my identity. When change hit, I was unprepared to minimize the impact and keep rolling. My limited awareness was overly focused on what I lost and not leveraging the other parts of who I was to adapt to the unpredictable world.
You can probably relate to times when you are consumed by something important, and people know you by that one thing. We often reinforce this by how we position ourselves. While that can deliver rewards, it also has its limitations. The challenge arises when that identity disappears or a narrow definition of our identity limits how people see us and what opportunities come our way.
In the sections below, I describe how I went on a journey to rediscover myself and how adopting a holistic view of my identity improves resilience, fulfillment, and performance.
An Inner Quest to Embracing a Holistic Identity
Earlier this year, I embarked on an inner quest of self-discovery. I had been on what felt like a thirty-plus-year treadmill of life, and I needed a break to redefine who I was, where I was going, and what I wanted over the next few years. I intended to calibrate my internal compass and gain a deeper awareness of who I wanted to become. This would boost intentionality in my daily actions and derive a deeper fulfillment. I created this wheel to represent a holistic view of my identity.
The holistic identity includes my work, interests, and relationships. Some of these elements will remain aspirations for who I want to be for the rest of my life (e.g., physically & mentally fit), while my work may change over time. The ability to adapt our identity is a powerful lever and necessary to remain relevant in a constantly changing world. The conscious understanding of your holistic identity gives you a greater chance to leverage its various parts in different situations. There is no significance to the order of the elements of my identity.
I chose to represent identity as a circle for its symbolism:
Wholeness - circles have no beginning or end, making them a symbol of completeness and wholeness.
Unity - the circle connects the different parts of our identity.
Protection - The encircling nature of a circle can suggest protection, safety, and boundaries.
Cycles - circles represent the cyclical nature of life, seasons, and natural processes. We must adapt our identity at various phases of our life.
The Self - Psychologist Carl Jung considered the circle to be a representation of the Self.
Movement - I see this as an “identity wheel” - a metaphor for movement and action. You can continue moving forward regardless of what life throws at you.
Resiliency
If one of the identity “pedals” is lost or damaged, the wheel can continue to move down a path. It may be bumpy initially, but you are not incapacitated, given that you have other aspects of your identity to leverage and fall back on. You are simply more resilient to change, given there is diversity in the elements of your identity. The integration of your identity protects you and keeps you whole. The diversity makes it challenging to be easily neutralized - a critical feature to adapt to external forces. The range of your identity also makes you more interesting and unique from other people. Simply put, a holistic identity is more resilient to change.
Fulfillment
I have diverse interests and a desire to be fulfilled in my work, family, and relationships and pursue my curiosities. Adopting this mental model that your identity is a collection of parts freed me from the schizophrenia of defining myself as one thing when you are evolving into something new.
For example, I recently started podcasting again because I love meeting interesting people and learning new things. I resumed writing, something that I started many years ago as a form of expression but stopped given major challenges in my life. Given my passion for helping people reach the next level, I recently pursued a coaching certification. Last year, I also resumed playing my guitars and rocking out in my office - something I loved doing in my earlier years. It’s unlikely that I would ever find one line of work that could fulfill my unique interests.
Is he a coach? Yes. Is he a podcaster? Yes. Is he a writer? Yes. Is he a technology leader? Yes. A younger me would have been uncomfortable with all this diversification of my identity, but it feels authentic for me right now. I don’t care what others think and are too bold to be put into a box.
It’s funny that I recently had an interview for a technology leadership position, and the reason this company was interested in speaking to me, in addition to my experience in the tech space, was my coaching identity. You never know what can happen when you bring together a holistic view of what fulfills you.
Performance
When you embrace and commit to becoming an enduring identity, there are expectations to walk the talk and make it real. For each element of my identity, I needed to demonstrate different rituals, behaviors, and habits to make it believable to myself first. Here are a few examples.
Good Friend - call at least one friend on the weekend I have not spoken to recently. This has helped me rekindle lost friendships.
Physically & Mentally Fit - coffee automatically set to brew at 5:55 AM, gym bag packed the night before, and hit the gym every day at 6:30 AM. I recently started practicing meditation to improve my presence and reduce inner chatter.
Podcaster - interview someone every 1-2 weeks. The first recording felt uncomfortable, but that quickly subsided.
Coach - get a certification, practice coaching each week, and document tools and frameworks to codify my work for people to use without talking to me
On Sundays, I create a weekly sprint plan of what I aim to achieve in the upcoming week. At the top of my Notion doc, I list each identity and a set of tasks for each. This helps me focus my time and challenges me to contribute across the wheel. Some tasks can be more challenging than others, especially when taking on a new aspect of your identity, and it’s uncomfortable.
I find that this identity-based view of allocating my time improves my performance. The interplay between aspects of your identity makes you stronger and perform higher. My coaching skills help me perform as a leader coach. Being physically and mentally fit enables me to bring energy and my A-game to my work. The reinforcing nature of your identities creates uniqueness and performance.
How Do You Describe Your Identity?
Identity is a powerful force that controls what we experience in our lives. The good news is that you can define it any way you want. You have the autonomy and creativity to do so. Identity is not fixed. Its ability to remain flexible and adaptable to change is exciting and essential to your existence. A holistic view of your identity will make you more resilient, fulfilled, and performant.
Who are you?
How do you describe your identity?
How may your identity be holding you back from your true potential?