Answer these questions to pursue your destiny
How living inside-out fuels clarity, conviction, and courage to shape a unique path
We often look externally for clues on what career path, job, or opportunity to follow, thinking we will find the answers. We read books, scroll Instagram posts, or study successful people. While we may pick up ideas, a more practical approach is consciously answering strategic questions to guide your direction.
We must first look inward to discover our best selves and then look outward in the market to carve out a unique value proposition that leverages this best self doing work we love. You have agency - don’t give up your power. In this post, I share an approach to finding these answers and making your dreams a reality by approaching life from an inside-out perspective.
Living Inside-Out
Living inside-out is the idea that we are deeply in touch with who we are and want to become. We act offensively in daily life, pursuing our destiny instead of the world defining us and taking what it gives us. Our choices are driven by an internal compass calibrated by our values, principles, and the vision we have for our life. We act instead of being acted upon.
Learning to live inside-out can be found by answering three strategic questions.
The Questions
Answering these three questions will give you the insights to guide your direction. Nobody can answer these questions except you.
What are the dimensions of your best self, and how do you want to share these gifts with the world?
What market opportunity do you see as a valuable problem to solve, and are you uniquely positioned to deliver a compelling, differentiated solution?
What would you regret not having done on your deathbed?
Answering the first question requires us to journey inward to discover who we are and want to become. Answering the second question uses the insight from the first question to look outward and analyze trends and opportunities where you can create something of unique value by doing work you love. The final question reminds us that our time is finite, and we are not promised tomorrow. Embracing this reality can help us accelerate choice and focus our time on things that matter.
The following three sections guide how to answer these questions. Let’s first go inside to discover our best selves.
1. Looking Inward to Discover Our Best Self
Question: What are the dimensions of your best self, and how do you want to share these gifts with the world?
Most people will not take out the time to discover their best self. They will continue living an outside-in perspective where life is controlling them. These are the impacts when you lack self-awareness of who you are and want to become.
Confusion keeps you imaging a clear and compelling vision for your life
Growth is constrained as you hesitate to make bold moves
You enter or stay in weak relationships that don’t bring out the best in you
You accept the status quo and remain stuck in jobs that don’t tap into your full potential
You feel anxiety and stress playing defense and responding to challenging situations without confidence and conviction
Here is a guided journey to discover what makes you special and unique and, ideally, solve some of the challenges above.
Core
These are the core dimensions of who you are.
Values are a way of being or believing that we hold most important. Internalizing your values serves as a guide to direct your actions and how you spend your time. I have five values - leadership, curiosity, excellence, health, and wealth - and each day, I reflect on how I honor those values in my work and show up. This article can guide you through the process to derive your values.
Principles are fundamental truths that serve as the foundations for behavior that gets you what you want out of life. These are derived from values as a rule and an actionable expression. Over time we discover what decisions and actions work and those that fail to deliver on what we seek. Learn from your mistakes by creating a list of rules derived from your values so you don’t repeat them. Decisions become faster and easier when you follow your principles rule book.
Beliefs are what you see as true, and control almost everything we do. Self-belief creates positive emotions and the energy to pursue a direction with conviction and confidence. Self-limiting beliefs constrain your potential, and often you reinforce these by looking for things that provide evidence to them. You are often your own worst enemy. This article can guide you to reaffirm self-belief and, through a cleansing process to crush and free you from negative self-beliefs.
Emotions are what you feel and experience. Emotions control and determine the quality of your life. Positive emotions can accelerate the path to your full potential, while negative emotions can disempower you and hold you back. Each Sunday, I do a 15-minute emotions audit to reflect and rate the intensity of my emotions. I use this to identify what actions I can take to feel more or less of an emotion. This article shares a technique on how to discover your emotions.
Future
These are futuristic dimensions of who you want to become.
Vision is what you want and why. Without a clear and compelling vision of your future, you will unlikely experience it or realize your goals. The daily demands of life and a myopic view can result in choices that take you to an unintended destination. Write a short, vivid story about what that life looks like and clarify your goals. This article provides more detail on how to craft a vision.
Identity is who you need to become to get what you want. Your identity is an invisible force that shapes how you feel about yourself, how you show up, and what you can achieve. You will generate results consistent with how your identity is structured. Internalize a chosen identity and restructure your current identity with habits and rituals that evolve you into who you want to become. All things change when you do. This article shares more detail on identity and how to change it.
Purpose is what you are driven to achieve. Following your curiosity and listening to the voice of your inner guide provides focus and decisions on how you spend your time and energy. Purpose is generally a theme that evolves organically over time and not something you force. You eventually sense it, and sometimes can unify your past experiences into a purpose that serves as your north star. This article share ideas on how to find your purpose.
Autonomy
These dimensions provide freedom and autonomy to become the person you envision.
Boundaries define us; what is you and not you. Realizing your vision and identity will not be possible without clear boundaries to protect you from the unforgiving realities of human behavior, hold you accountable, and reduce conflicts in daily life. Decide, communicate, and enforce your boundaries to take ownership of your life. This article will help you create a list of boundaries.
Letting Go is removing the physical, emotional, and relationship baggage that slows you down or prevents you from becoming the next best version of yourself. You need to know what you need to leave behind to make room for the new life you envision. This article will give you ideas and examples of baggage that no longer serves you.
Parts is the concept that we each contain an “internal family” of distinct parts - and that treating these parts with curiosity, respect, and empathy vastly expands our capacity to heal. Discovering our parts can help you bring out hidden parts that experienced trauma or failure. It can also bring compassion to parts that assumed extreme roles and be re-assigned to new roles. This book and podcast video overviews Internal Family Systems (IFS) and how to discover your parts. I recently sketched out and documented a few notes about my parts. I realized there were parts I put into “exile” that needed to come back out and why a part acted in specific ways. If nothing more, this consciousness can shape your behavior and boost self-compassion.
Action
These dimensions are how you act to demonstrate and evolve into your identity and make your future dreams a reality.
Behaviors are the rituals to deliver your desired outcomes. Your behaviors are driven by unconscious self-limiting beliefs, repeated experiences, and assumptions that hold you hostage to an identity you see yourself as. Realizing your vision happens when you drive your behavior from rituals that emanate from your values, beliefs, identity, and purpose. This article will help you learn more about identifying behaviors and rituals.
Skills are the abilities or proficiencies, acquired through training or experience, that enable a person to perform a particular job or task effectively. Taking an inventory of your skills will help you identify your strengths, and the skills you want to develop further given your vision, identity, and purpose. The capability to quickly and confidently communicate our strengths to others will build trust. Demonstrating our skills is how we perform and deliver value. Document a list of your skills and a self-rating (e.g., 1-10 scale).
Bringing It All Together
This twelve-stop journey is not easy, and I wish there was a way to simplify it. But my experiences have confirmed there is value in exploring each of them to deepen self-awareness. You also gain a unique perspective by bringing these twelve dimensions into a comprehensive view. How do you get these new insights to stick and remain top of mind?
One approach I have used is to document notes for each dimension and scan the document multiple times a week. When I need to make a decision, reduce stress and anxiety, or plan my calendar I will go to the “my best self” document to keep me pointed in a direction. I update the document as I learn more about myself, including rules I add in the principles section. I view this document as a guide for self-transformation. It contains the vital insights to evolve into a new identity that will lead to the outcomes I seek in my work and broader life. It’s not a quick fix, but the calibration helps keep me focused and when to say “no” and “yes'.” Lately, I have said “no” more than I ever have in my life. “No” to jobs that will not bring out my best or give me energy. “No” to relationships that do not align with my values, beliefs, or vision. This gives me the space to say “yes” when I see the opportunity to be my best self.
I encourage you to start your document. It will not be perfect, and likely a potpourri of notes. It’s the consciousness of these dimensions that act like new glasses to see the world in a different way. I received a note a few weeks ago from a subscriber that generated eight pages of notes after reading the Values article.
2. Looking Outward for a Unique Opportunity
Question: What market opportunity do you see as a valuable problem to solve, and are you uniquely positioned to deliver a compelling, differentiated solution?
With a clear and calibrated mindset, you can look outward for opportunities that align with your best self. The visual below is a metaphor for a target, where the intersection of four perspectives represents a unique opportunity that aligns with your best self.
1 - Bring out your best self
enable you to stay true to your values, principles, and beliefs
align with your vision, enable you to do work that evolves your identity and practice your purpose
enable you to demonstrate the behaviors, rituals, and skills that reinforce your chosen identity
2 - Valuable problem to solve
what opportunities do you see to solve a valuable problem that the competition is not capitalizing on?
3 - Your unique solutions
how can you combine the unique skills you are great at to craft a differentiated solution that one else can offer?
4 - Energy
what work do you love that creates energy?
Using this model makes it much easier when to say “yes” or “no” to an opportunity. If I can’t be great at it, and there are many other people that can offer a similar solution, then it’s an easy “no.” If I am going through the motions and the work is not creating energy, then it’s an easy “no.” If I have a great solution but it’s not worth my time to solve or its not a problem that will exist for some foreseeable future, then it’s a “no.” If solving the problem and the stakeholders of the solution are not aligned with an underlying “why” that matters to me, then it’s a “no”. So when is an opportunity a “yes” that I go full force at?
It looks and feels something like this:
It aligns with my values - I can lead, follow my curiosity, do it with excellence, sustain health and build wealth
The work gives me the practice field to develop my skills, and execute rituals that align with my chosen identity - I become the person of my vision
It’s a problem I want to work on because it aligns with a “why” rooted deep within who I am and want to become. I love the outcome of my work.
It’s a problem worth solving that creates wealth to fund my other goals
I am obsessed at creating and differentiating a unique solution from my skills to serve people by solving their problem and loving the outcome they experience
I lose track of time and feel the mojo when I am doing work
I should note that there are many opportunities in the red target space. Ideally, each of these build upon each other to realize the outcomes of your vision.
3. When Is a Better Time Than Now?
Question: What would you regret not having done on your deathbed?
For as long as I can remember I have asked myself t“if today was my last day, would I regret not doing this?” I can think back to so many experiences, trips, and people that I have met by not wanting the regret later in life. While those things don’t always work out to your expectations, it is more about the curiosity and journey of the experience that excites me.
More recently, I asked myself the question about pursuing an executive coaching certification. The answer was an immediate “yes”, and I have gained skills to uplevel my coaching, but the quality of my life, decisions, and mental health has also improved.
Take a quiet moment to think:
Is there an opportunity you are curious about and putting off?
What would you regret if today was your last day?
What is one small action you could take toward exploring this opportunity?
Someday you will lose everything - why not place your bet on yourself now while you have the chance?
Summary
There is no silver bullet or magic wand that can answer these three questions other than you if you desire to pursue your destiny with curiosity, confidence, and courage:
What are the dimensions of your best self, and how do you want to share these gifts with the world?
What market opportunity do you see as a valuable problem to solve, and are you uniquely positioned to deliver a compelling, differentiated solution?
What would you regret not having done on your deathbed?
The world is constantly changing, and most of life's forces are outside your control. I live by the Stoic virtue of focusing on what you can control. For me, this means playing offense and showing up by honoring my values, principles, and beliefs. Pursuing my vision and the person I want to become, one day at a time. Seeing life’s challenges as opportunities and fuel to learn and grow from. Not conforming to things I don’t believe or caring what people think.
Over the last six months, I have embraced living inside-out with a deep sense of who I am and where I am going. There were many years of my life I could not do this - or in reality, accepted the status quo because changing my life was complicated. I feel free and have more energy and focus than ever. While I don’t know my exact destination, I have set sail guided by my values of leadership, curiosity, excellence, wealth, and health. Yes, I have dreams, but even if they all don’t materialize, I will be grateful for the journey into the unknown to find what I have been looking for.
You are lucky if you can read and take action on these three questions.
How will you apply your best self to give the world what it needs and, in return, make your vision a reality?
Good luck, James.